I HAVE ANOTHER DAY TO LIVE !
I Knew Joy…
I Had it for Free…
I Just didn`t know it !
Now…
Now i`m making all the way again…
To Know JOY…
It was so with me !
It is so with you !
It just is so !
So…
I`m crossing the “eternal” lines of doubt
That separate numness and fear…
Towards the Freedom of JOY !!!
It`s so hard to listen to the noises of your silences…
In our small islands of confort and warmth…
These forgoten faces that charge and charge against us…
Their reasons make our reasons vain…
Their eyes that insist in looking into our souls…
These lonelinesses in the midle of the time…
These lives like an ark of broken things…
This numness that we choose…
And make us wake up too late !
We think we`re ETERNAL here , on this Earth…We think the others are as well ( meaning those who we care about) !
But some magic trick happens , we fall on a black hole, the twiligh zone , whatever,and , all of a sudden , 10 years have passed…
Literally passed! What? who? why? ??? Only yesterday that girl was a child ! Just a while ago I bought these clothes , hardly weared them , and now they`re out of fashion ? what? I`m not in my twenties? But I was just a while ago…How can that be? I feel like twenty ! Now I cannot aply for this job because I passed the age they require? Mom? Dad ? Why are you so tired and distant.. because I don`t live with you anymore? What Dad? You have cancer? No…That`s Something for the others, not for you ! I KNOW YOU !
And Suddenly your litle girl here has to take care of you like a baby…like you treated me once…Because no one can face the reality…That the day we`re living may be your last…And you`re so aware of everything…If only you just didn`t realise that you`re loosing the human condition everyday that passes by…If you just didn`t realise how dependant you became from others…
But you do…That`s Why i left everything behind , and i`m here , by your side , hugging you , treating you, LOVING YOU SO VERY MUCH LIKE I NEVER LOVED NO ONE BEFORE !
Leaving house , work , city , everything to be with you…
To fill myself with YOU , before THE TIME arrives…
Now YOU are my child…And I`ll give you all the LOVE you gave me when I was litle…And…HOW I LOVED YOU AND LOOKED UP TO YOU !!!! AS I STILL DO EVEN AFTER YOU´RE GONE YEARS AGO…
YEARS? I held your head just a while ago , like i always did !
Sure you`re not in the house? won`t you call me later ? :))))
No , You Won`t . Neither Will mum . She`s there with you !
I Know you`re happy !I FEEL that ! So I`m happy too ! :))))
One day will be my turn…that`s how it works, but i just didn `t imagine it would be this fast !
I`m glad I could spend time with you both, being with you till your departure…
THAT`S THE BEST THING I DID IN ALL MY LIFE !
THAT`S WHAT GAVE A MEANING TO MY EXISTENCE HERE!
I reorganized then my priorities in life…
And I understood SOO MANY THINGS ABOUT LIFE , DEATH , but mostly about LIVING !!!!!!
I LEARNED TO BE GRATEFULL TO BE ALIVE , TO HAVE FOOD ON THE PLATE , TO HAVE A ROOF OVER MY HEAD , TO WALLS TO PROTECT ME FROM COLD OR HEAT , ALSO FOR BEING MY SPACE WHERE I CAN LEAVE MY THINGS AND RETURN TO , GRATEFUL FOR MY HEALTHY BODY….
IN MY HEART , I REALLY AM GRATEFUL FOR ALL THESE THINGS AND MUCH ,MUCH MORE , BECAUSE I TRAVELLED FOR 12 YEARS ,IN AFRICA , AND I SAW MANY PEOPLE WITH NONE OF THESE THINGS !
THE OLD BATLE OF ” I WANT TO ” and ” I SHOULD HAVE…”
I THINK ONE OF THE THINGS WE HAVE TO DEFINE IS…
HAVE WE EXACTLY DEFINE A NEED ?
OR SOMEBODY DEFINED IT FOR US ?
UP TO WHAT POINT DO WE KNOW OURSELVES WELL ENOUGH TO REALLY DETERMINE “OUR NEEDS ” ! BECAUSE ; IN SPITE OF THIS AGE OF MASSIVE TV INDUCED NEEDS, BIG CORPORATIONS GOALS, FAMILY EXPECTATIONS ; DO WE KNOW WHAT WE NEED ?
I KNOW I NEED TO EAT ; A ROOF ; WALLS AROUND ME TO PROTECT ME FROM COLD OR HEAT , AND HAVE MY PRIVACY ; AND PAY A FEW MORE BILLS…I KNOW BECAUSE I LIVED WITHOUT SOME OF THESE THINGS FOR A WHILE…NOT MUCH…JUST ENOUGH TO VALUE THEM…
I KNOW WHAT I LIKE…I `VE TRAVELLED THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT ME , ALTHOUGHT I KNOW I HAVE A LONG WAY AHEAD OF ME !
I SE UNHAPPY PEOPLE IN GOLDENS HOUSES ; I SEE LOVE IN COLD HOMES !
I SEE BECAUSE I VISIT THEM!
I`M STARTING TO SEPARETE WHAT I WANT AND WHAT I NEED !
AND STARTING TO DO CHOICES…
I `M IN THAT PROCESS…
SO WE HAVE TO DO WHAT WE CAN , WHILE WE CAN , FOR OURSELVES AND FOR OUR LOVED ONES…
WE HAVE TO DO THINGS…
DEEDS !
THE MATERIAL THINGS WE RUN AFTER TIME TO BUY, TO HAVE , TO OWN , WILL STAY HERE FOR OTHERS…WE CAN `T TAKE THEM WITH US !
SO ACTION, DEEDS , BIG OR SIMPLE THINGS…LET`S TRY TO FIND OUT WHAT MAKES US HAPPY…AND DO IT !
SO MANY PEOPLE ARE COUNTING THE DAYS TO GO AWAY ; EVEN IF THEY WANT TO STAY ; DUE TO SO MANY REASONS , MAINLY ILNESS…
SO FAR …I CAN WALK , TALK , LAUGH , CONTROL MY BODY FUNCTIONS…(THIS IS A HUGE BLESSING) ... SO , Ì WON `T ACT LIKE THERE `S NO TOMORROW , BUT I `LL INDULGE MYSELF MORE !
BY GIVING AND RECEIVING , AND WHATEVER MAKES ME HAPPY !
TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY FOR MANY REASONS…
AND HOPE TO DO BETTER TOMORROW…
AND THE DAY AFTER !
I SURELY CAN BE A BETTER PERSON…AND PORSUIT THIS GOAL UNTILL I GO FROM THIS EARTH ! I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN ! AND I CAN LEARN IT FROM YOU ! YOU MAY SHOW ME THINGS I NEVER NOTICED BEFORE OR TEACH ME SOMETHING NEW ! I AM OPEN TO WHAT YOU GOT TO OFFER ME !
I MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT REGRET , BECAUSE IF YOU SHOW ME THE THINGS I FEEL THEY `RE WRONG…I WILL NOT ABSORVE THEM…BUT I WILL KNOW WHO YOU ARE , OR WERE AT THAT MOMENT…
BEING HUMBLE IS TO OPEN THE DOOR TO KNOWLEDGE !
SO FAR I ALREADY KNOW A FEW THINGS ABOUT ME…GOOD THINGS AND BAD THINGS ! I`M NOT PERFECT ! BUT I `M OPEN TO LEARN TO BE A BETTER PERSON , ACORDING TO WHAT I FEEL DEEP INSIDE IS THE CORRECT THING FOR ME ! IT MAY NOT BE FOR YOU…BUT MAYBE I HAVE INSIDE OF ME SOMETHING THAT WILL HELP YOU TO FIND YOUR BALANCE AND GOALS IN LIFE…
I WANT TO BE WHO I AM…BE IN PEACE WITH MYSELF…WITH YOUR HELP , IF YOU SHOW ME BETTER WAYS !
IT TAKES SO LITLE TIME…A NOTE , AN OBJECT , A SIMPLE REMARK LIKE ” I LOVE THE SHIRT YOU `RE WEARING ”...SMALL THINGS , SMALL MOMENTS IN TIME…WICH HITS US LIKE A ROCK…
IN OUR CULTURE, UNFORTUNATLY THE WORD “THANK YOU ” IS JUST A POLITE THING WE SAY , WHEN WE SAY IT…
THE “NORMAL ” IS TO BE INDIFERENT , OR YOU ´RE WEAK…OR YOU´RE GIVING AWAY POINTS IN THE GAME OF SOCIAL CLIMBING…
A ” THANK YOU ” NOTE….”IT`S SO OUT OF FASHION”...
WELL…SURPRISE : IT DOESN `T SHOW US AS “WEAK ” ; BUT INSTEAD , ” STRONGER THAN THE OTHERS ” , BECAUSE WE ARE NOT AFRAID TO SHOW APRECIATION TO SOMEBODY ELSE…ON THE OTHER WAY AROUND…WE HAVE SELF CONFIDENCE AND INNER STRENGH UP TO THE POINT OF LOVING THAT PERSON , AND NOT FEEL THREATNED BY HER OR HIM !
WE ARE NOT GIVING THEM POINTS OVER US…WE ARE OVERCOMING SELFIHNESS AND SHOWING A KEAN SENSE OF SENSITIVITY AND ATENTION TO THE MINIMUM DETAILS…
WHEN I DON´T FEEL ALL THAT WELL , I READ THE MANY ” THANK YOU ” NOTES OR OBJECTS OR LITLE GIFTS I RECEIVED AND FEEL LOVE AND CONFIDENCE PUMPING THROUGH MY VEINS AGAIN !
A ” THANK YOU” SHOWS HOW STRONG YOU ARE !